You might have come across various terms like sapiosexual, pansexual, asexual, bisexual and polysexual. And trust me they are all different of what impression you have for them. With continuous researches and findings, health experts are discovering various feelings people are developing over the years. Demisexual is one such sexual feeling that is trending globally.
Trust me, it is nowhere related to demigods or demons, so chill. Demisexual is a wave of sexual feeling that can be termed as ‘almost asexual but not asexual.’
Confused? Let me explain to you what is this new trending physical desire.
- 1 What Is Demisexual?
- 2 Demisexuality As An Orientation
- 3 8 Signs Of You Being Demisexual
- 3.1 1: You Are Always Called Prude
- 3.2 2: You Enjoy Erotic And Sexual Fantasies
- 3.3 3: Your First Dates Can Be Significant
- 3.4 4: You Opt To Date Your Friends
- 3.5 5: You May Not Feel Sex As Super Important
- 3.6 6: You Don’t Go For Looks
- 3.7 7: You Always Feel You Are A Unique
- 3.8 8: You Cannot Accept ‘Hook-Up Culture.’
- 4 Do Demisexuals Enjoy Sexual Intercourse?
- 5 Is It A Disease, Demisexuality?
- 6 Does Demisexuality Occur Due To Low Libido?
- 7 Can Demisexuals Have High Sex Drive?
- 8 Can Demisexuality Be Found In Both Genders?
- 9 Any Pills To Improve Such Demisexual Feelings?
- 10 Demisexual Flag And What It Represents?
- 11 How To Deal With Demisexuality?
- 12 Why Demisexuality In Trend?
What Is Demisexual?
The term ‘Demisexual’ was first coined by user sonofzeal on the forum of The Asexual Visibility And Education Network(AVEN) in 2006.
Sonofzeal explains this as a feeling of not experiencing sexual desire and attraction without a previously existing emotional connection.
In other words, a person does not experience physical attraction unless they develop an emotional bond with any individual.
Demisexuality does not mean to have half-sexuality or incomplete feeling, nor does it means physical sense without any personal bond for complete sexuality.
Demisexuality As An Orientation
While explaining Demisexuality as an orientation to people, many sexuals often mistake it as a personal choice rather than a natural orientation.
Demisexuals can merely lack physical attraction until they find someone, whom they are emotionally connected.
‘Just Friends’ is a typical Demisexual first impression that they develop with others. These trendsetters are not dating app personalities to find on, but are people who value characters more over appearance.
Though, Demisexual fall under asexual category but now you know that how they are almost asexual.
You think you fall into this category and still confused? How about we help you to know if you are Demisexual or not?
Our next section is exclusively for you.
8 Signs Of You Being Demisexual
Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and marriage and family counselor explains this feeling as:
“A typical individual meets someone and usually develops some physical attraction within few seconds. But with a demisexual individual, there is no physical attraction at all. What comes first for them is friendship, love and romantic feeling. The sexual feeling might develop a bit late but certainly is not a driving force.”
Let’s take a tour to find your answers, so the wait is over!
1: You Are Always Called Prude
Prude or excessively selective or commonly known as “old-fashioned” are the terms used for you when it comes to sex or casual dating. If physicality or dating is not at all your type, then you might be Demisexual.
With growing love for sex and not heart, demisexuals choose heart over sex. So one-night-stands are just out of your topic.
2: You Enjoy Erotic And Sexual Fantasies
Physical attraction may not turn them on, but mentally, demisexuals are more sexual. Often found that demisexuals enjoy creating sexual fantasies or reading erotica or watching porn.
The difference here is, what turns them on is a person they are imagining. The sexual acts are not as important for them as they have a strong connection with that person. You may be demisexual if you enjoy such imaginary sexual feeling with a person you are emotionally attached.
3: Your First Dates Can Be Significant
This might be a big deal for you to go for a date. It is often found that demisexuals enjoy talking on in-depth topics on their first date to test their partner’s personality. Demisexuals choose their partners concerning compatibility, mindset and not a waste of time.
This might be a negative thing as they desire to get a lot of information from their dates. So even if a demisexual is not interested in a person, what brings him/her together is the details or news. This might put them in a tricky position as they don’t want to hurt anyone.
4: You Opt To Date Your Friends
Though many fall for their friends or best friends, demisexuals too come into this section. For them, a serious relationship starts from a friendship that helps them know the person deeply.
Demisexuals prefer to know the person better than getting hit by the same person for you-know-what. So going on a date can help you to be yourself that can make things fall in places.
5: You May Not Feel Sex As Super Important
Not only demisexuals, but many other people may feel sex to be not as important as many other things. Though they enjoy sex, intellectual conversations may make them high than physical actions.
You might be demisexual if you enjoy long conversations over getting initiate with your partner. Mostly, they feel sexually self-sufficient from masturbation than getting pleasure from another person.
6: You Don’t Go For Looks
Though we are living in a generation of physical appearance, many still feel looks to be not as important. There are times, we unconsciously swipe off an attractive photo without even reading a profile. Demisexuals are just same.
Demisexuals prefer personalities over attractive faces, and this makes an instant connection, based on similar likes and dislikes. Due to this, demisexuals develop authentic relationships with the person.
7: You Always Feel You Are A Unique
Since teen or while growing up, you always felt to be different from your friends who are ready for some excitement. You might have felt weird when your friends talk about sex or maybe their make-out sessions.
Though you feel different, sometimes you might feel wrong with yourself. As every friend of yours is interested in a topic you dislike and might feel like you are missing out something.
8: You Cannot Accept ‘Hook-Up Culture.’
This can be a major sign of you being a demisexual. A modern way of dating and mating is not their type. While people are enjoying in the bars and are ending up with a make-out session, you are happy with your friends.
Demisexuals are often seen being chilling out with their friends in such places. Or maybe, they get into a quirky conversation with a stranger and might last till a handshake. Many demisexuals mostly prefer to avoid going to bars and pubs.
These are the eight signs that can help guide if you are demisexual. Though these signs are known to be seen in a demisexual person, it does not really mean that you are one of them.
Let’s take a look at various questions you must have started developing while reading the signs of Demisexuality.
Do Demisexuals Enjoy Sexual Intercourse?
According to the sex experts and therapists, demisexuals can enjoy sex. It is only possible if they find someone with whom they are emotionally attached.
For them, as discussed, a relationship or a bond is far important that sexual act. They are more into a building and developing romantic connection before they get into an actual business.
So, yes! Demisexuals do enjoy sexual intercourse.
Is It A Disease, Demisexuality?
Experts believe Demisexuality is not a psychological problem or should not be categorized as a disease. Though it might be against previously traditional and existing human sexuality model, it is not a pathological issue.
So if you know someone who is demisexual, support your friend as it is not a disease. If you are demisexual, live and enjoy your life in the best way. You’re unique, you see! Demisexuality is not a disease, it is a way you are.
Does Demisexuality Occur Due To Low Libido?
Demisexuality is nowhere related to any health disease or disorder. Low libido is a whole new topic and is not found to be associated with Demisexuality.
The major difference between the two is, demisexuals prefer to be with the person they love. Whereas, low libido refers to have low sexual desires and drive that can be seen in many people.
Can Demisexuals Have High Sex Drive?
Absolutely, why not? Sex drive or libido is something that can grow your sexual desires. So is it normal with demisexuals and should be felt strange. The way they see physical intimacy is far more different than others.
An individual is a human first and then belongs to any sexuality or sexual categories. So as per a human body, everyone can have high sex drive and desires which is completely normal.
Can Demisexuality Be Found In Both Genders?
Yes. Both women and men can develop Demisexualism. It is absolutely normal and has nothing to do with asexual.
Both the genders have to find their perfect partner to understand and discover that feeling. It is perfectly normal though some people consider it as abnormal.
Any Pills To Improve Such Demisexual Feelings?
A pill can help improve or cure a disease, and as discussed, Demisexualism is not a disease. So there are no scientific treatments or pills available that can bring people to be normal (according to mindsets).
Instead of suggesting various pills, try to support such people and be their well-wisher.
Well, I believe these are some questions which would have developed while reading half of this article. But you think people with Demisexualism have any identity? Like how LGBTQ community have rainbow colors as their identity and pride.
Demisexual Flag And What It Represents?
Demisexuality is one such sexual orientation that is always neglected or being misunderstood.
A demisexual flag has a black triangle shooting out from left while having white horizontal on top, in the middle, it has thin purple stripe and bottom contains a thick grey line.
This Flag represents various aspects of the communities, and the colors are same as asexual. White defers as sexuality, Grey represents Gray-Ace and Demisexuality, Black means Asexuality and Purple serves the community.
How To Deal With Demisexuality?
If you meet someone who is demisexual, you must know that they might take a brief time to be comfortable with you. They take time to get emotionally attached, whether it is friendship or relationship.
Often found that demisexual people are more interested in conversations and activities they like most over flirting or dating. So make sure that you make them comfortable and be with them as their true friend.
And when we say, be a true friend, we literally mean it as demisexuals can be smart enough to know your intentions.
Iif you think you are demisexual, then all you need to accept the way you are.
People might label you each time, make it a point that you are normal, healthy and absolutely fine. All you have to be is be little free and find someone who can understand you and love the way you are.
Enjoy your life and spread happiness as much as you can and be happy. It is advisable not to lose self- confidence as this is what makes you, you.
Why Demisexuality In Trend?
What makes Demisexuality different from others is they are not into sex, every time. No offense, but I’m not saying that others are mad for physical relationships, but Demisexuality is different. It is about finding the true one and enjoy every moment. It may be different, unlike today’s generation, as discussed earlier.
While people are busy dating and making connections, demisexuals are making connections and then dating. This makes them confident about their partner and helps them to understand more.
Though, Demisexuality is most misunderstood, for me is the best way to find a partner that is truly best for you. A partner with whom you can build a future and fulfill your desires. Demisexuality teaches you to develop a feeling for the person who is good for you.
Though Demisexuality might look cool for you, it teaches you to be with someone who deserves you and loves you more than your body. Though demisexuals might be difficult to handle, they are trendsetters.
And let me end this article with a beautiful quote that always inspires me. “Don’t let the muggles get you down.” A quote from my favorite movie, Harry Potter. If you know, what I mean.
Michelle is the senior most expert who writes for this website. After completing her graduation and 10+ years of practice, Michelle has been involved and known for a lot of her philanthropy work. Michelle loves spending time researching and writing her papers. She occasionally writes for us and we are extremely proud to have her as one of our editors. Follow me on Linkedin